Porny things

Disclaimer: if human sexuality makes you uncomfortable, or you’re under 18, don’t read this post.

Casually flipping through a magazine that I think is called Yo, girl!, I’m immediately impressed at Japanese erotic creativity. The girls look like they’re having fun and everyone has pubic hair! Untamed wild amazing pubic hair, a rare thing in Western porn.

As proof of their creative and fun approach to sexuality, what follows is a comprehensive list of all the things inserted into lady parts in the course of one magazine:

  • Neko cat folding fan
  • Big green wine bottle
  • Many sake bottles
  • Huge magnum champagne bottle
  • Both hands simultaneously
  • Vase with a small clutch of flowers inside
  • Cheap wooden snap-apart chopsticks (ouch!)
  • Folding paper fan with Japanese flag design
  • Sumi ink brush, handle first, other end being used to paint (badly)
  • Long yellow-brown gourd?
  • Wooden ball-and-paddle hand game
  • Black and pink flip-flop shoe
  • Long crooked purple sweet potato
  • Beer bottle
  • Fancy tea pot spout
  • String of pink bead things
  • Mannequin head
  • Wooden spoon
  • Chocolate bar with a load on it
  • The handle end of some kind of weapon or tool (small garden hoe or hatchet?)
  • Tiny squishy pink vibrator on a long string
  • Cerulean blue sparkly jelly vibe
  • Tempura in a paper cone
  • Very long middle finger
  • Vibe with tiny jelly chihuahua face with its tongue sticking out
  • Red plastic toy baseball bat
  • Big plump red strawberry
  • Pink kitchen spatula
  • Daikon radish
  • Cottonball being held by long metal tweezers
  • Bendy glow in the dark wand that looks like a stack of increasing sized balls
  • Cookie that says “Merry Christmas”
  • Whipped cream and strawberries from a cake
  • So many vibes! all colors, remote controlled on leashes, rabbit style with funny shaped tips, sparkly ones and tiny tethered ones with remotes seem to be popular
  • White toothbrush
  • Man’s foot
  • About two hundred pixelated pink things